Living Dreams

Life’s not what it seems,
We forget what hides
Beneath the surface:

The world that floats atop of Dreams
And the things we paint inside our heads
With colors unexpressed.

And the colors
Shine but it’s not all we see,
Strokes of love and fear,
Joy and sorrows.

And the sorrows,
Becomes the lies that light up the dark
And it’s all we begin to see until everything’s
A mess and it becomes a reason to dream.

And the Dream
That crystalized in our teens
Upon the thin layer of our eyes
Like an empty piece of glass
Stops us from seeing the rest.

Life’s not what it seems,
Let me dream,
Let me dream.

Love’s Lights

Love’s Lights

St. Peter

There is a vision in my mind of faint lights

And it flickers in the distance like a dying flame.

If, only, I could reach past the shroud of night

 

To grab my dreams and end this endless fight

And circumvent a life of strife and pain.

There is a vision in my mind of faint lights

 

That pulls away with each extension of my might.

A vision in my mind that keeps me maimed;

If, only, I could reach past the shroud of night

 

Beyond the cold air and into the warmth in sight,

And have what lays within my dream’s remains.

There is a vision in my mind of faint lights

 

Which tantalizingly dance, and in its white,

I gave you happiness; something I cannot obtain.

If, only, I could reach past the shroud of night

 

And grasp at heavens life, and give you what’s right,

The world and my love; to save you from suffering’s reign

There is a vision in my mind of faint lights;

If, only, I could reach past the shroud of night.

Relentless

Relentless

By St. Peter

Flesh and muscle will catch fire

And the water that drowns the

My heart will boil into

sweat that steams off my body

seeping through the cracks

Howling a shattering cry.

 

My aching bones will snap

And crack under the

Crushing pressure

Until my body wants

To surrender.

 

And when the demons

come to take me

I will fight until I am broken

And press on until

The fires ignite me fade

Into whispering ashes.

Depression, Do you know it?

I had two attempts on my life, and they say, that if you don’t succeed you never really want to kill yourself.

I ran away on multiple occasions, and I thought I could end my life with the blade of a knife. But the first time I ran away, I lived on the streets for several days, contemplating what my life is worth, just trying to develop who I was and my personality. I did not know anything and I was in search of meaning that would satiate my quiet desperation. Any my despair was quite, I was a quite kid, who was picked on, as I have mentioned, I was beaten and stabbed and my ear cut in half. But do not get my wrong, I wouldn’t stand still, I would defend myself to violent extremes literally beating people half to death. This was my high school life. Excluding the hunger and the poverty, I had to fight and all I have known in the life was fighting–my dad was in the armed forces and it was his emphasis. This was not the kind of life I wanted, I felt like a savage, like a barbarian struggling to find the next meal and at war with the people around me. I just wanted to escape.

I was a run away, and the first time I ran away, they put me in a mental institution because of the collection of wounds on my body. I refused to eat for several days: the hunger was crippling. But in due time, they let me out with my parents cooperation; however, I never cooperated with them.

During this time, I was looking into poetry and writing as an outlet for my stress. My therapist told me to try it, I only saw him for the duration of the contract that was necessary for my release.

IT was a bottle of pills and household poisons, my mom was in the house, but my parents usually never bother me; however, for some odd reason my mom tried to come into my room and I never lock my door, mainly because my parents never really bother me, but they will occasionally just come in and that is what happened. Combined with a history, my mom did not hesitate to call emergency services.

After this point I left home and lived in my car for several weeks in search of the stars. I seemed to have pulled my life together after this point and I had gotten into the 4th top school in the United States.

I pursued a relationship with on of my professors at that point and then…