I had two attempts on my life, and they say, that if you don’t succeed you never really want to kill yourself.
I ran away on multiple occasions, and I thought I could end my life with the blade of a knife. But the first time I ran away, I lived on the streets for several days, contemplating what my life is worth, just trying to develop who I was and my personality. I did not know anything and I was in search of meaning that would satiate my quiet desperation. Any my despair was quite, I was a quite kid, who was picked on, as I have mentioned, I was beaten and stabbed and my ear cut in half. But do not get my wrong, I wouldn’t stand still, I would defend myself to violent extremes literally beating people half to death. This was my high school life. Excluding the hunger and the poverty, I had to fight and all I have known in the life was fighting–my dad was in the armed forces and it was his emphasis. This was not the kind of life I wanted, I felt like a savage, like a barbarian struggling to find the next meal and at war with the people around me. I just wanted to escape.
I was a run away, and the first time I ran away, they put me in a mental institution because of the collection of wounds on my body. I refused to eat for several days: the hunger was crippling. But in due time, they let me out with my parents cooperation; however, I never cooperated with them.
During this time, I was looking into poetry and writing as an outlet for my stress. My therapist told me to try it, I only saw him for the duration of the contract that was necessary for my release.
IT was a bottle of pills and household poisons, my mom was in the house, but my parents usually never bother me; however, for some odd reason my mom tried to come into my room and I never lock my door, mainly because my parents never really bother me, but they will occasionally just come in and that is what happened. Combined with a history, my mom did not hesitate to call emergency services.
After this point I left home and lived in my car for several weeks in search of the stars. I seemed to have pulled my life together after this point and I had gotten into the 4th top school in the United States.
I pursued a relationship with on of my professors at that point and then…