When I was in a relationship with my college professor, she was pregnant, and shortly after we got in a horrible fight–I am to blame for the fight–but I gave her a sincere apology and begged her to forgive me. She refused for a while, as I lay in my filth and tears trying to regain something I had lost a long time ago, something I could never touch again. The battle lasted for hours, and I felt like nothing. She was sitting on her bed, and I left the room, I wanted to be a lone, and after she pointed out how useless I was and I was better off dead. I hung myself with my belt. At this point, she continued to yell at me and when she realized I wasn’t saying anything, she went looking for me and then released the belt from my neck and then yelled at me some more. (Hahaha writing it down makes it seem so absurd.) In a few short weeks we started seeing therapists and relationship counselors and stuff like that, but the relationship crumbled, and whimpered. I tried my best to keep it together for my daughter, but I couldn’t pull the world together.
Well, I felt like I was nothing, but today I am grasping at every piece of individuality I can regain and I am building the foundation for my daughter, myself and hopefully a family.